CrazyinTX

Long time

It has been forever since I've visited this blog.  You can e-mail me at butterflylady97@yahoo.com and I'll give you the name of my new blog.  Put BLOG in the subject line.

Hope to hear from you all soon!

Kristi

Nothing new

Not a lot of new things going on.  Mom is still mad at me and not speaking to me. I am waiting to hear back from the school on Little T's new evaluations.  I am stressed out!  Hopefully I'll know something in the next week or so. 

Forever

Well, it does seem like forever since I've posted.  Where to start?  Hmmm...well, my Mom is out and doing fine. She is mad at me.  My sister's daughter and my daughter were going to go up to Mom's for 2 weeks and we decided to postpone that. Well, my Mom is LIVID.  I just don't know what to say. I told her I feel she needs some time to heal and she responded back that we all think she is crazy. I just feel like I can't win for losing when it comes to her. 

On another note, I had a meeting with my son's school regarding some concerns I have about his behavior, speech, etc...  Even though it was very emotional for me, he is now going to get speech help over the summer and they are going to test him for Autism, as well as any other things that may be going on with him.  He will get a full psychological evaluation.  I was so wiped out yesterday.  It was horrible to be so emotional but I couldn't help it!!!  God is Good and I know it will all work out!

Drama, drama, drama

This has not been a good week to say the least. To make a long story short, my Mom got really depressed and took some sleeping pills.  She is now in the hospital. She called me and sounded so DRUNK that it scared me to death.  I called her husband and he went home and could not wake her up.  So they are holding her now in the mental ward and I don't know what is going to happen next.  She lives 5 hours away from me. Right now, I know she is okay and her husband is there and keeping all of us kids informed.  I was so terrified, and scared.  Now part of me is just angry.  I have talked to her and she assured me it wasn't on purpose, but she can hardly tolerate an aspirin.  So I really don't know but the good thing is she will have to go to counseling and deal with some issues she should have dealt with a long time ago.  My sister called my Mom earlier and she said that everybody (meaning us kids) just had her so stressed out......what the hell???  She lives 5 hours away, doesn't have to work and has no kids at home to worry about.  Oh my GOD, let her live my life for one minute and she will know what true stress is.  But yet, I am not taking pills and "checking out".  I am just happy she is still alive, but mad that she would do this, and sad for her, because obviously she felt very lonely to do such a thing.  Basically, I am just confused.

Easter Mayhem

To say the least, Easter was interesting.  Little T wasn't too interested in dying eggs so S and I did them Saturday evening.  I had to work til around 1 pm.  Sunday was church and Little T was in a bad mood as soon as we got there.  My niece, who is 14 likes to tease him and that just makes his mood worse. Then my sister forced him to go to the nursery and play and that didn't work out. I went and got him and she was livid with me.  After church, while the kids were hunting eggs, my sister told me I needed to "let her handle him." HUH?? Is he NOT MY FREAKING KID???  We (sis and I ) are not speaking .  I came to work yesterday and cried about it.  My son has problems, I know this.  I think he may have a spectrum disorder. I want to give him 1 more year because he has made drastic improvements with the speech therapy and going to "big school".  Then if he is still having issues, I will get him tested.  If anybody has dealt with a child who has behavioral issues/ communication delays, you understand how hard it is when people give you the look and you just KNOW they are thinking, "She needs to be a better parent. She needs to put her foot down."  Nobody knows til they have been there. Nobody.  I really try to keep a positive outlook because as long as I am on this Earth, my son will do fine. He will always have me backing him 100 %.

After church, my sister sat looking at my son (who was now crying-he wanted his cousin, my sister's son) and she just shook her head.  I really wanted to punch her in the face.  I just got in my car and took my kids home.  Son had a meltdown but once we got home, he was okay.  I wasn't. I'm still not.  I realize I have a lot of  this in my future but to get it from my own sister, it is just heartbreaking. And hurtful. And sad.

Sick boy

My little guy is very sick. We have had lots of rain, which means lots of flowers and pollen, and all that goes along with that.  So he has been having awful asthma attacks.  Last night he took a nap after school because we gave him some cough syrup.  And after a breathing treatment, I tried to put him to bed and he was up til 3 am on and off.  So I am no  good today and I want to pass out on my desk as I am typing this.  My dear husband slept the night away as I was dealing with son and when I went to ask him to come switch out with me, he just rolled over and went back to sleep. What a prince.

He is taking son to the dr. today so hopefully he'll be up to hunting eggs on Sunday. Hope everyone has a safe and Happy Easter. 

The Cutest Things

Obsessed

My 5 year old is just now obsessing over his "pee pee".  As I've mentioned before, he is a little behind developmentally with his speech and behaviors. So he is just now doing things that most 3 year olds do.  He also loves to strip down and just run around naked or in his underwear.  But he knows when we go somewhere public not to do this.  So I am thinking not making a big deal is for the best. Do you agree?? 

Now that I think about it, "S" was the same way. Going thru old photo albums, there were MANY shots with her in her panties.  And the home videos we shot were the same thing; dancing around in her undies. If she had clothes on, it meant we were about to go somewhere.  Now she is pretty shy so I guess she grew out of it.  Funny how things change.

The weekend

We had a pretty nice weekend.  We have had so much rain. Saturday it finally stopped so I took the kids to the outlet mall to use a gift card I had gotten for Christmas.  It was to the Leggs store, so S and I got some bras and she got panties too.  Little T asked me did I have some shampoo in my hand?  I told him no, it was a bra!  It was cute that he asked that. My bra was in a box. LOL. 

Sunday was church and we went to my sister's to hang out and play games and cards.  Then we came home and Little T was being a booger bear and whining. When he does this, it just irritates me and he does this A LOT!!! So hubby took them to the park and I got some much needed quiet time. 

It is Monday and of course I am swamped here at work but just wanted to post something about the weekend.

Office Drama (catfight)

I have been working in an office for 10 years now. I have been at my company for 12 1/2 years total, but I didn't always work this closely with a lot of women.  But oh my GOSH...the drama that goes with working with women.  We all know how we are, we can be moody, rude and hateful.  But get 2 women who don't agree on something and they are in that (rude) state of mind....the sparks will fly.  There are two women here in the office "GL" and "DC".  They get into it about every 2 months or so. Today was one of those days.  I am in my own office now but I heard the yelling and then "GL" went to our boss and told her "she will not put up with it....she will go higher up...blah, blah, blah."  I didn't hear the entire episode but I know it had to do with a customer.  I think there are better ways to deal with things.  I have been down that road with "DC" before but didn't realize at the time, she was dealing with major depression.  She had just changed medications and I left the situation and went out of the office so we both could cool down.  She literally got in my face. My boss just stood there. Nothing really got resolved.

 Now, our human resources is better and these type of things aren't tolerated.  But it makes for a hostile work environment and it gets old!  So much rage in this world today, on the roads, in the workplace, it just isn't right. I am scared for my children who have to grow up in this anger infested world.  I don't even like to watch the news because of all the violence.  It is just terrible.

Bad Mothers

My daughter and I were watching a special with Lisa Ling about "Girls Left Behind". It was about girls whose mothers had been arrested and were  serving time in federal prison.  One group of girls got to spend all day at the prison with their Moms because the Girl Scouts had set up an all day play/workshop.  The girl featured was a 9 year old girl who had to live with her 86 year old Great Grandmother due to the mother's incarceration. While they were doing arts and crafts the little girl just burst into tears.  Her Mom (the prisoner) was screaming at her, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???"  Me and my daughter (S) were just sitting on the couch with our mouths open.  We couldn't believe this woman was yelling at her child (who she sees every 2 to 3 months). That poor little girl, I can only imagine how tormented that young girl is and she was overwhelmed and probably a little confused and that is why she started to cry.  I just wanted to hug her. The Mom had robbed a store. 

There were other girls featured but this is the little girl who touched my heart.  I wonder how some women just don't have a motherly instinct.  I have a niece who loves being pregnant but after her kids are born, she just doesn't want to be a mother. Needless to say, she is 21 and has 4 kids who are now all in foster care.  She wants to party and do drugs and not be a mother.  But my own mother had her first child at 15 and she always took care of us.  She made some bad choices in the men department but she never just left us when we were small and helpless.  I feel like a lot of women have an "inner strength" and when it comes to our kids, we have to be strong, be their voice, teach them to be compassionate, but tough at the same time.  It is a shame that more than 1/2 of these girls (and boys) who have parents in prison, will end up in jail at one time in their lives.  

I like to watch this kind of documentary. It didn't have any bad language and I feel it teaches "S" that not getting the "cool game", or whatever clothing she wants is not so bad. She has a Mom and Dad who love her and an annoying little brother to boot!  She has stability, that is the most important thing.  And lots and lots of love.  

Fun Killers

Saturday, it is beautiful here!

I am at work just for awhile this morning.  I am trying to make a grocery list b/c I have to go buy food after I leave work.  I had to order Little T's eczema cream ($38) and buy his school photos (couldn't resist) $43 total for the pics...so our grocery budget is VERY SMALL this week.  I have to budget, even with 2 incomes, the cost of living is crazy.  We still have Little T in daycare, right now just after school, but in 2 months, it will be full time for the summer. I dread it. It is $400 a month.  I could probably find somewhere cheaper but he is comfortable there and he HATES change, so I'll fork over the $100 a week to know he is doing fine and is happy. 

Hubby took the kids to his Mom's today, guess that is the only time she will see them.  I told him that I am out of the situation, it just frustrates me.  I hope the house is somewhat clean.  Hubby usually tries to keep it kind of clean when I work on the weekend so I don't come home and freak out  start cleaning right away.  My hubby isn't a slob, but he doesn't really get aggravated by a messy house the way I do. My Mom was a major clean freak....don't know how with 6 kids but she was!!  She was always at home until I was around 12.  She then worked in the evenings while my sister and I watched our brother Kyle.  She was always home by 9 or so.  Of course, she was Miss Organized.  We all had our chores everyday (my daughter thinks this is torture when I tell her about it)! Hehe!  And Saturdays were for Major Cleaning!  Hours and hours of cleaning.  

When I got my first apartment, I was QUEEN SLOB.  I always vowed to not be like my mother. I did dishes when I got around to it, and laundry once a week. Then I married and had kids. And I turned into my mother, well not quite, but for awhile.  I drove myself (and my whole family) crazy.  I was exhausted.  Finally, I stopped.  Now my house is cleaned at daily but is it always spic n span? NO.  But I try to enjoy my kids and spend time with them and listen to my daughter when she tells me (LONG, very LONG) stories about her day! And I always have clean laundry, but it isn't always put up right away.   What about you?

Communication is the key

Sometimes I wonder, why me LORD??

I am not one who normally feels sorry for myself, really I'm not. I find that to be a waste of my time and energy.  And with all I have to do, why throw a pity party?  But sometimes, I feel so misunderstood.  I have a son with disabilities.  It is hard some days, but I thank God that my son is going to do better. It will be a long road, he isn't physically handicapped, he does speak, even though some days he speaks and communicates at the level of a 2 to 3 year old and  he is 5! (he just had a birthday in November)  He is in school now with speech therapy, it has been a long, hard struggle and it's only been a few months.  I am tired! Sometimes son's behavior isn't good, he gets anxious in new situations and settings...he gets things in his head and will scream and cry to get his way.  Hubby would like for son to be "NORMAL" and he gets embarrassed from time to time, b/c son talks when he should be quiet and vice-versa.  I try to deal with it and I try not to take it personal when I get dirty looks from people. (I got them often when we were on vacation in the caverns and son would not shut up be quiet.  Hubby spewed some very nasty things about son and how he needed to be medicated when we left the caverns for lunch that day. I cried and didn't respond.  I feel he is very negative about our son and it hurts me as a MOM>  this is his FATHER....he should be more understanding, more loving, more accepting.  Yesterday, hubby called me at work and I told him son had a hard time when I dropped him off at school and he was crying.  Hubby started in on me about son's diet.  He started fussing saying "Well, you buy the groceries. He needs to eat better. Blah blah blah."  I was mad and told hubby to "get off my back". I just get tired of his negativity 24/7.  I am trying to fight the good fight for son, I took him to therapy,I had to jump thru so many hoops to even get him evaluated for pre-k.  It wasn't easy. I cried daily for a month.  Especially when they showed me his scores on his speech,communication, etc.  That KILLED me.He was in like  the 20th percentile.  But, I sucked it up and handled it.  My husband is very laid back and he is content to let me do a lot all of the work.  But he is very critical.  I came home and I didn't say anything to hubby. We ate, I got the kids in the tub, and we went to bed. Hours later, I am SOUND ASLEEP and hubby wakes me up yelling asking "What is it you want?"  HUH?? WTH??  I was dreaming and I said, "I want half of the building." LOL  Well, he started yelling asking did I want a divorce. I told him he was out of his everloving mind, "I am asleep! Are  you crazy?"  I laid there a few minutes,and THEN I woke up. I went into the room hubby was in and I let him have it. I cried for like an hour and I told him about how I feel EVERYDAY when it comes to all my responsibilities and I worry SO MUCH about son.  He didn't even know how he made me feel on the phone earlier, or WHY I was mad. So why didn't he ask me at a decent hour instead of 12 am??? You tell me!  After I had my SNOT FEST, he apologized and apologized.  I woke up this morning at 5:30 am (later than usual, mind you) and I feel like an elephant sat on my head. I am so frustrated!!!!! Hubby had already left for work. I don't even know what to say to him.  I want to run away.

In Laws

When we went on vacation, I stopped and put flowers on my grandparent's graves.  I really had some awesome grandparents.  My grandpa died when I was 14, it broke my heart.  He was like a father to me b/c my own parents divorced when I was 4 and I had a stepdad til I was 15 and another stepdad  til he passed away when I was in my 20's.  But Grandpa was always a permanent thing in my life.  I remember how my grandparents didn't have a lot of money, but they would always come get us kids (4 of us) and spend time with us and take us to the store to get whatever goodies our hearts desired!  They were 2 special people.

It kind of makes me sad that my Mom lives 4+ hours away and doesn't get to spend the time with my kids that she would like.  My Mom is an awesome grandma!  She is fun and she has 11 grandkids total and I know if she lived nearby, we would not even have to ASK her to babysit!

  And my mother in law, well...that's a whole 'nother story!  She has 2 grandkids, my two kids.  She sees my kids maybe 3 or 4 times a year, she lives around 10 minutes from us.  It is a very, very sad thing for me and it has even made me very angry.  She and I  don't get along.  I guess because there is a lot of hurt there.  Not too long ago, she came over after my daughter got off the bus, and she went thru my daughter's closet to "see"  if she had any jeans, since she wore capris to school.  (This is a woman who goes months without seeing her grandkids, and atleast 4 to 5 weeks before calling.) She then decided to fold my laundry. I was LIVID.  I mean, she folded my underwear, for goodness sakes!! WRONG!!  Hubby doesn't even have a good relationship with her....but she blames me for this. He says he is tired of being the only one maintaining the relationship, so he has stopped trying.  Well, we got back from vacation, and hubby is like "Momma would love to see the caverns, we all ought to go together next time."  HUH??  Is he nuts???  

 She had hubby at 14 years of age, and another child when she was 25 so I totally get that she is young(48), doesn't want to deal with grandkids 24/7 but for her to not even see her grandbabies for 3 to 4 months at a time, COME ON!! That just ain't right.  I have prayed about this situation, but I am still unhappy with her and the comments she has made about how she "has a life" and she will see the kids when she wants to see them, which is apparently NEVER!!  We borrowed her spare car one time while ours was in the shop and she made us pay for the tags...$40 to use this car for 2 days.  She is really something else.  Anybody else have in law problems?? Oh, let me mention that my father in law is great, hubby's dad died before we married but mother in law remarried and I love him to pieces. But she RULES this man, he runs behind her like a puppy. 

I am back!!!

Update on our vacation to the Caverns.  We got  back Saturday night from vacation. Boy, was it an experience. We drove over 1200 miles!  That's a lot of miles with 2 kids in the car.  OH and a husband too. When my hubby gets tired or HUNGRY, watch out!  Gripey city!

We left Wednesday and drove to Monahans, where my best friend lives.  I was so excited to see her. She had made us the best lasagna.  Her Mom came over and had dinner with us too.  My friend's hubby works nights so he had to eat and run.  We visited for awhile and then took the kids to Dairy Queen to get ice cream. Little T loved the outside play center and he climbed up like a champ!  He was like 15 feet up in these little tunnels. He loved, loved, loved it.  It was awesome.  We spent the night and then left the next morning for New Mexico.  My Mom wanted me to put flowers on my grandparents graves but after I got to the cemetery, there was a funeral in progress.  So we had to do that the last day of our trip. 

The trip to Mexico was nice and it didn't take long. The time difference was 1 hour.  So we checked into our AWESOME hotel.  It was really nice.  It had queen sized beds, a dvd player, a fridge and a microwave.  It smelled wonderful.  We chilled out there for awhile and then we went swimming in the indoor (heated) pool.  Little T could not touch the bottom, so hubby and I took turns holding him and letting him swim. S loved it, she is a great swimmer.  So is Little T when he can touch!   Oh , the hot tub was nice too.  We then went back to the room and napped and snacked and watched movies.   We ordered pizza for dinner. It was good.  The hotel offered a free breakfast, so the next morning I went to get breakfast for everybody...but we were FAR from the main lobby so I got my food, came back and ate, and then S and I went and got hubby's and her food. Little T ate pizza!  We then loaded everything and headed to the caverns.   I had scheduled a tour guide.  There were about 50 people in this tour.  And my son would NOT be quiet. People kept shooting us dirty looks.  It was awesome to see the caverns and hear the history but after it was all over, hubby was embarrassed (and sweaty) beyond belief!  We left.  I told hubby , Let's go have lunch and come back. So we did.  We ate at this cute little mexican restaurant.  The food was HORRIBLE.  I only ate 2 bites of my food.  I took our son to the car and hubby went to pay. When he and S came out, she said, "Oh, we didn't have to pay, Daddy told the lady the food was bad!"  But I was glad, it was a $36 meal, and it was worth about $3. 

We went back to the caverns and I told hubby and S to go explore some more caves and son and I would stay outside and play, etc... and if we got bored , we could always go to the car and watch a movie.   So they were gone around 2 hours and they came back happy.  That is what mattered to me. 

We headed back to Monahans so we could put flowers on the gravesite of my grandparents.  It was dark by the time we got there but we managed to shine the headlights on the tombstone so hopefully the pictures turned out.  We then drove approximately an hour more and hubby announced he was tired and hungry, he was being a butt.  So we pulled over and got a hotel room and he went and got us a burger down the street.  Then it was bath and to bed.  We ordered room service for breakfast the next morning and then got gas, and a few drinks and we were on the road!  The kids were really good (we stopped and fed them lunch around 2) and then we got home about 5'ish.  All in all it was a good trip.  I am still not caught up on all the laundry and my car looked a mess so I had to wash it , vacuum it and clean all the seats with my mini vacuum/steam cleaner.  I am at work and I'm swamped today. So I'm out!

Saturday

Well, it is Saturday and I am here at work....trying to clean up my office before I go on vacation.  Yesterday, I worked only 3 hours and then S got out of school early (Little T goes to daycare after school)..so I picked up S after I got my NAILS DONE....oh they are so pretty.  N-E ways, picked up S and we both got haircuts. Then we went to Wal-Mart to load up on snacks for our trip.  Took her out to eat Chinese afterwards.  So all in all, yesterday was really fun. I was TIRED, I had been up since 4:30 so I was butt dragging last nite.  I was up at 4:30 again this morning but I'm working til 1:00 pm. Hopefully hubby will cook today. He is the best cook.  He is very messy though!! Oh well, I'll clean up if I can get a good meal!!  I am hoping he makes a big pot of beans and a pan of cornbread.  Growing up in a family with 6 kids, I don't really eat beans that much b/c that was  one thing we ate a LOT of  growing up,but a few times a year, we will eat beans. 

Hope everybody has a great weekend. 

EXCITED!

As I mentioned in a previous post this week, we are taking a vacation!! WOO HOO!!! Happy dance!  I am working 2 more days and then it's time to get organized, buy snacks, make lists and then we'll leave next Wednesday.  I am always trying to stay on budget so I am a little stressed even though I am excited.  We just got a new/used car and now we have a payment.  So that is a major stresser!!  Check out my photo album and you can see my new car.  Part of me feels like we need to save this money and not use it on vacation. But we haven't taken  a major one since S was 4 and she is now 11.  We went to Florida last time and had a blast. We now have NO credit cards and back then we did.  So no safety net!  UGH.

Oh well, I am still very excited!

So Emotional Today

Well, I guess I am a crybaby today.  I have mentioned a little about my son, who is 5 and I call him (on this blog )"Little T".  I had this little guy 6 years after I had my daughter. I seriously didn't think we would have any more kids, I wanted more, but I had a HARD time after my pregnancy with "S" ( My daughter).  N-E ways, God blessed us with this little man. He did have some problems breathing when he was born.  At around 3 years of age, I started noticing he wasn't talking much but I figured he was just shy.  So by the time he was 4, and I took him for his well child dr. visit, I KNEW he was having some problems. The dr. referred me to a therapist and we did "Play therapy" for a couple of months.  Little T's behavior got a little better because the therapist told me to be VERY CONSISTENT and I did see a change in the amount of tantrums, etc.   My next step was to go to the school for his lack of speaking, and they evaluated him 2 times.  He was then accepted to pre-k and they are working with him on his speech.  He has a speech disability.  He will talk, but will not really have a conversation with you. You can ask him a question, and you may or may not get an answer.  I do think he may have some other areas that need work but at his age, it is hard for therapists to diagnose what all his problems are.  Of course I foresee much more testing and evaluations in the future.  Well, this morning I was talking to a coworker about my son and I just started crying.  I am very saddened by the challenges my son has and I know God can make a difference but it is frustrating on a daily basis!!!  Sometimes my son is in his "own little world" and I think he may have a spectrum disorder.  I have worried, prayed, worried, prayed and some days it just feels like too much!!!  Some kids at school are mean to him and he doesn't really pay too much attention to it but when I overhear it, I just want to rip those kids apart (I never say anything, they are just kids...but my heart breaks everytime a kid is mean to him). 

I also have a nephew who lived with us for a short time. My nephew is in jail right now.  I wish I could have made him see how to be a good man, but when we got custody he was 17 and too far gone. It just saddens me, because now he is facing a lot of years for his bad choices.

I am just kind of sad today.