From the Lioness' Den...

Dear Abby,

I have a co-worker "Peggy" that I have become pretty good friends with.  She provided me lots of moral support during the end of my marriage and subsequent separation and divorce about 2 years ago.

During this time she was in the process of losing a lot of weight.  She lost it and has kept it off, but now it seems she thinks she's some sort of goddess.  Over the last year, she has been shamelessly flirting with all the men here at work, and a lot of it crosses the line of sexual harassment.  Peggy has decided she is now unhappy with her own marriage of 25 years and has even propositioned at least one of our male co-workers.  She has made a couple of them feel so uncomfortable that they have gone to her immediate supervisor and told her what's going on and asked her to talk to Peggy.   The supervisor did talk to her, but nothing has changed.

Meanwhile, at breaktime she is constantly complaining about how "bad" things are at home.  Her husband is a hard working teacher who provides a wonderful home for her & their kids and is overall a good guy.  He does have his faults like everyone, but personally I think the situation could be helped immensely through marriage counseling and communication between the two of them.  25 years is a long time to just throw away because you think you've got it bad.  The thing that bothers me the worst is that he is overweight, and since she has lost all her weight, she says she can't stand him anymore.  I think that is just terribly shallow.

Frankly, if she were to leave her husband, she wouldn't be able to handle life on her own.  She would get out & play for awhile, but then reality would set in and she'd realize she's alone and be miserable again.  Divorce and the single life afterward are not for sissies.  This I can attest to.

Yesterday I sat down at break with her and once again, she started complaining.  I finally decided I'd had enough and flat out told her that she needs to go to a marriage counselor with him.  I even suggested she use the employee assistance program here at work to get started.  They allow so many free sessions and then if further help is needed, it is worked out through insurance later.  I have told her my feelings about her situation.  That's just what a friend does - tells you what you need to hear whether you want to or not.

Any other suggestions on what I could tell her?

Thanks,

Been there done that, but not everybody should

nope

12:20 PM, May. 16, 2007 .. Posted by Bruinsmama

Cant think of anything else you can say.
Hopefully she'll take your advice, but sometimes people need to get outta their own way on their own time.
Can ya dig it?

U R a good pal!

"Friends"

2:27 PM, May. 16, 2007 .. Posted by AndeeDawn

I have had friends who actually similarly before. I usually offer my advice, if asked. Eventually, I tend to put space between myself and them if nothing changes. Sometimes, you can only do what you can do, then you have to let them sink or swim on their own.

I hope I don't turn into a shameless flirt when I loose weight. LOL. A friend of mine at work always says she not going to diet, " Because if I lost weight, I'd have to carry a big stick around with me all the time to beat the men off with, and it just isn't worth it. "

LOL. Makes me laugh every time.

Friends

7:41 PM, May. 16, 2007 .. Posted by davey327

I think you've done everything right. You can only offer your opinion and advice and hope they take it to heart. I have had similar situations with two friends, just decided they were unhappy in marriages where there were no real problems and just walk away, one had been married for over 25 yrs., one for about 14 with two preteen kids. One was my exministers wife.
I am still friends with the first one, mainly because we have a 20 some yr. history, not with my ministers wife, sadly. Sometimes there's only so much you can do.

you are right...

8:00 AM, May. 18, 2007 .. Posted by BrenMOM2G

I think you being blunt with her at the break was the right thing to do.
Now it is up to your supervisor or human resources to contact her about her harrassment. Unfortunately, she will get attention from someone that will be more than she truly wanted.
Yes she is shallow about her view of her hubby now and really needs to support him if he chooses to lose weight, not insult him. Wasn't he there for her when she was losing weight.
I think she needs a reality check before she is sorry.

Brenda