From the Lioness' Den...

The One I've Been Waiting to Write for Months!

It's a Girl!

Now that I have your attention, let me explain that. 

I've hinted around a few times that there's more to Leo's story than what I've said thus far on this blog.  Today, he cleared a major hurdle that allows me to explain things...

I've written about his 3 kids, D, N, & K.  Of the 3, only N & K are biological.  D is his step-daughter from his marriage that, for all intents and purposes, ended 2 years ago. (One week to the day before mine.) However, he has yet to officially proceed with the divorce that was filed in 2005.  Because...he wanted to adopt D as his own daughter.  In order to do that, he had to maintain the legal relationship of stepfather with her.  Had he proceeded with the divorce from her mother (more about her later), then he would have lost all legal claim to her despite the fact that he's raised her as his own since the day she was born.  Then she would have gone into foster care, or worse, to her mother or biological dad.

A little background info...Leo was diagnosed 25 years ago at the age of 16 with leukemia.  He underwent chemotherapy, radiation, and a bone marrow transplant.  After the bone marrow transplant, he developed spinal meningitis and Grant vs Host disease. GvH is where the recipient's body rejects a transplant and fights it off, trying to kill the transplanted material.  After all of this, he was pronounced cured, but was also told that due to the radiation, he would never be able to have children of his own. You'll see later why this explains his determination to hold onto his kids.

When Leo met D's mom, she was already pregnant, but had broken off the relationship with her father.  They moved in together, and he raised D as his own still thinking he wouldn't be able to have his own kids.  Lo and behold, a few months after D was born, her mom told Leo she was pregnant again.  They almost broke up over it, but at the suggestion of his sister, he was tested and found to be fertile.  So, he stayed with her and had not only 1 but 2 more kids. I'm not sure at what point exactly they got married, but that's irrelevant.

Leo said the kids' mom started showing signs that something might be wrong soon after D was born.  It was chalked up to post-partum depression.  It continued throughout her 2nd pregnancy, after N's birth, throughout her 3rd pregnancy and after K was born.  After a while, it couldn't be dismissed as post-partum, but  was diagnosed as depression and bipolar disorder.  When the kids were babies, she would just barely take care of their minimum needs. When they got older, she began physically abusing them.  She would not do anything around the house, nor could she hold a job.  Leo would have to work all day, come home and take care of the kids & the house at night.  He tried to get her the mental help she needed.  He took her to doctors, tried different treatment plans, inpatient treatment, etc.  She got to the point she would just say what the doctors wanted to hear and then they would dismiss her.  When she got home, she was noncompliant, and would not take her meds or do anything to keep herself well.  He was unaware of the physical abuse. 

He would have to go out of town for work a few days at a time, and the kids would cling to him and say "Daddy, don't leave."  He thought it was just because they would miss him.  It was really because he wouldn't be around to protect them from her.  Of course once he found out what was happening, he stopped all out of town travel immediately.  The nightmare continued and progressively got worse until July 16, 2005 when he finally had her taken out of the house in handcuffs - after another episode of abuse followed by suicidal threats and a physical attack on him. I've heard about other incidents from some of his family members. 

Since that time, Leo has been navigating through the legal system, and the health & human services system.   He has had attorneys, case workers, counselors, therapists, CASA volunteers and assorted other "interested parties" involved in his & the kids' lives the whole way.  They have been living under a microscope for two years.  The whole time, Leo had 3 objectives:  adopt D, get sole custody of N & K, and divorce the psycho-bitch.  At the same time, try to keep his family together and help the kids heal from the emotional and physical torture that she put them through. 

The kids have had to be put through court-ordered visitation with her the whole time too.  Supervised of course, but mandated all the same. To try and reconcile with the kids.  To form some sort of relationship with them.  The kids say: No Way!  They want nothing to do with her.  They don't even want to visit her for the 1 hour each a week they are supposed to.  She doesn't show up for 3/4 of the visits, which is OK by them.

During this whole time, D's bilogical dad has been in & out of jail & prison.  In & out of work, etc.  He has had zero contact with her in 8 years.  You'd think it'd be a slam dunk for Leo to adopt her.  But, no.

First, it had to be determined that D was not going to reconcile with her mother and for a "normal" relationship. Through the conseling, that was finally decided.  Then they wanted D to work on "forgiveness".  Yeah. Right.  Tell a 10 year old girl that she needs to forgive the bitch that beat the hell out of her for the first 8 years of her life.  You bet.

Then, the bitch herself needed to be convinced to sign off on custody for N & K and D's adoption.  That in itself took months. That finally happened this past spring.  One objective met.

Next, the biological dad had to sign off on the adoption.  This could have happened last month, but due to someone not subpoenaing him and telling him he was required to be at court, it didn't happen.   A new court date was set for today, and a subpoena was issued.  Today, he signed off, and the adoption happened.  Another objective met. 

Now that all of the above has taken place, he can proceed with the divorce that was put on hold.  That should happen next month, and be final 6 months from then. But, he's not counting on it, just like he wasn't counting on everything happening like it should today. Not until it's done.

A year (+ a few days) ago we met and I joined him on the rollercoaster ride that this has been.  Yes, our relationship was brought up in court.  I even had to give permission for his attorney to do a background check on me.  It was even mentioned that I may have been preventing the children from forming a relationship with their mother.  How??? By showing them that not all mother figures are evil bitches like theirs?  Well, then yeah. I was. And I'm glad.  They need to know that there's a mother figure they can trust and depend on.  I think I've established that. 

Hopefully, next month the divorce will proceed as planned and he and the kids can put the whole mess behind them.

There you have it.  

Congratulations!

7:41 PM, Jul. 23, 2007 .. Posted by davey327

I'm glad it is all happening the way it should. I only wish our situation could work out the way I want it too, but somehow I don't think it will. But anyway, this is about you and Leo and your families. I am truly happy for all of you, especially that the kids can now have a normal family life.

Wow!

8:31 PM, Jul. 23, 2007 .. Posted by AndeeDawn

It just breaks my heart for those kids. I can't even begin to imagine the hell they have had to deal with in their young lives.

Thanks heavens they have a dad that wont' ever give up on them. Thank goodness now they have you.

I really hope that things go quickly and smoothly with the divorce and soon everyone can get on with their lives.


{{{ HUGS }}}

Untitled Comment

6:14 AM, Jul. 24, 2007 .. Posted by NewfiesWoman

Some woman was born to be incurbators for a child like some men is born to be sperm donars. Thank the stars they have a daddy they can depend on who loves them to all ends. And now they got you. {{But yer evil right?? YEAH RIGHT!!! sarcasim drippin through that comment}}.

Hope the divorce gets threw faster than the custody fight. Good Luck.

LOL. The song that just came on while me is typin this is Sister Christian {{Motoring}}. ;) {{ Whats your price for flight, and find you Mr Right? LMAO }} ;) Bet there not enough $$ in the world.note: me hasnt heard this song in yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeears.

What the????????

8:39 AM, Jul. 25, 2007 .. Posted by Anonymous

What in God's world keeps this guy going?
To live through the illness, bad marriage, and this court battle.............and still standing thru the smoke! Sounds like one heck of a guy, hang on to him! I am so sure haveing your support there helped him. You both deserve a pat on the back, if not a big hug! Hope the future is much shinier

Its me agin

8:42 AM, Jul. 25, 2007 .. Posted by Anonymous

Sorry I hit the enter button before I was done. I know of dads that walk aways from their own kids, and this dude fights for a stepdaughter. You and him has a lot of guts between the two of ya's